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I think I’m afraid of being ordinary and living an ordinary life. That fear pushes me, makes me work harder and longer, and makes me always strive for something, or strive to be constantly edifying myself. There are pros and cons to that, but I’m talking always. This is humbling to admit but I’m so bad at just living, just being, and just enjoying where I am. I desire to live extraordinary to the extent that I question things frequently, and I could burn myself out by my own 100mph efforts.
Anyone else? Or am I the only one pushing myself too hard?
For me, everything comes down to purpose, as in I don’t just live to live, I live to make a difference. I don’t take lightly that I woke up this morning and got a new day to do something meaningful, purposeful, helpful, or productive. I’m the type who doesn’t like to waste time, AKA I’m super bad at “chilling.” Ask the person who sees me every single day, my husband. At times I can be over the top about it, and drive him crazy. Sometimes I drive myself crazy.
I can tell you the reasons I’m like this. Part of it is my personality. Naturally I am a goal oriented, productive, driven, and an entrepreneurial individual. The other part is when I was 18 and I lost my mom to cancer I gained a whole new appreciation for life. It was also a reality check that we don’t know how long we’ll be on earth, we don’t know how long we’ll be around. That pushed me to make the most of my days and made me aware of every physical breath I took.
Every year I’m learning more and more about how to refine and reel in that passion to live fully so that it doesn’t consume me.
This fear of being and living ordinary shows me that:
- I need to trust God more
- I find worth in being productive
As a believer, I need to trust that God is going to use me the way he wants to use me. I need to trust that it’s through his plan and timing that I’ll live a meaningful life FOR HIM (not myself).
Extraordinary still needs to sleep, still needs to eat, and still needs time for friends and family. Extraordinary isn’t perfect and it’s definitely not a solo gig.
How do we find the healthy balance to being extra & ordinary?
We cannot live extraordinary, if we are not living at all.
Live fully, live on purpose, live driven but in between those powerful words don’t forget to actually take time to live.