This is not a “How To…” for the holiday season. This is a “Hey You’re Not Alone…” for the holiday season.
The cheery, twinkle light and hot chocolate time of year is here. I really love both of those things by the way. Christmas day is just around the corner and so is New Years Eve. Our culture won’t let us forget how many days away Christmas is. It’s everywhere, which isn’t bad..I’m just saying it’s everywhere.
Our surroundings are really pumped about the holidays. It’s all the hype, and it’s lovely….But what if you’re not pumped?
What if you are but it’s emotionally hard?
What if you’re resistant?
Or what if it’s a sore reminder that…you miss someone…you’re tight on money…you’re family is a mess…you don’t like to cook…
Not to be specific but the list of sore reminders could be endless because whatever you are feeling, needing, missing, longing for or running away from, you can find a trigger in anything. You can find a relatable point for anything. Because if one of those things are on your radar, maybe you truly, actually desire healing?
This will be the 8th Christmas without my mom. Honestly, as I see that “8” typed on my screen my heart wants to look away. What? For real? No way has it been that long! I can tell you the sting has passed, but the bittersweetness still resides. That number almost makes me feel like those Christmas memories with her were a different life. The Christmas memories replay in my mind like a movie that brings all the feels.
I recently got asked what it was like for me during my first round of Holidays without my mom, circa 2009. To be honest, I think I was numb therefore I don’t remember a whole lot other than feeling:
Confused that the calendar still moved forward despite my mind pausing.
Uncomfortable with her lack of presence. Everything just felt off.
Sad.
Mostly I think I tried to just get though it. If this is your first holiday season without your loved one, have grace on yourself and listen to what your mind, heart, and body needs. You could be 18, 40, or 70 years old or it could be 5, 10, or 40 years since you’ve spent a holiday with them and still miss them. It’s valid, and you’re not crazy for just wanting their company.
There isn’t a Holiday that goes by where I don’t remember what my mom added to the festive season, how she made me feel, and what she taught me.
As you go to a Christmas Eve service this year, wake up on Christmas morning in your cozy pj’s with or without your family, and as you ring in the new year which may be exciting or mundane for you, I pray that the present of Jesus’ presence will bring hope and healing to your life. I can’t imagine my life without his presence.
*I would like to give you guys a song I wrote my first Christmas without my mom. It is called "Oh This Christmas." Leave your email in a comment bellow to receive the song. I hope you enjoy!