Something new and exciting happens and the words “I can’t wait to tell my mom” are on the tip of my tongue. But, it’s been a few years since she passed, I thought I’ve worked through this!
With no apparent reason, a childhood memory flashes across my mind and makes me smile while my eyes water. But, it’s been almost 7 years since she passed, where did that come from?
Our favorite song comes on while I’m driving and I so clearly picture her singing it. But, It’s been 10 years since she passed, pull yourself together!
Can you relate to thinking “When will I stop getting caught of guard by grief?”
They come and go, the “missing them” moments. Right when you think you’ve looked at the picture of them long enough, ignored the pain long enough, or opened up enough to your trusted friends, the feelings come back like unpredictable weather.
It often makes me feel like I am weak, dramatic, a mess, crazy, the negative words could go on.
But what you lost was not your phone, a car key, or a debit card. What you lost was a HUMAN, on top of that a human you loved.
As I write these words to you, I am swallowing them as well.
Don’t fight the moments you feel heavy due to missing them (I know it’s hard). Let it be, because the more you resist, I think, the more hurt will be done to the process of becoming your healthiest self and feeling hopeful. Yes it feels vulnerable and maybe daunting because you’re nervous of overwhelming and heavy feelings, but this healing thing is not a sprint. This is not a marathon. Sprints and marathons end, but healing will continue for the rest of your life.
So many times I think I can heal from the loss of my mom (who I had with me on earth for almost 19 years) the same way I work through other challenges…quickly. If you give me a task I am really good at getting it done as fast as possible. If I have a goal, it pretty much becomes my life. I’m an all in kind of gal. More and more I have realized that I am in this healing journey for the long haul, it is the rest of my life. Therefore I’ll be weaving in and out of grief as long as I am alive.
Like weaving, grief and life will be intertwined, combining elements of sadness and joy and ultimately making something new out of materials that you would have never had before.